Turn Every Page: Marriage
Turn Every Page: Marriage
Saving the world's oldest institution
This past weekend, I attended a young couple’s beautiful wedding. That they decided to get married at all, in itself, was apparently a remarkable event. As two recently published and publicized books explain, there is a trend against getting married. There is also a trend against having children. Although the books offer different theories about the causes of the trend, they both agree that married couples, and children of married couples, fare better than those in single-parent households.
When the books came out, they seemed a bit controversial. But I do not think it’s controversial to say that it is better for a married couple to stay married or to say that it’s better for children to have both parents at home in a stable marital relationship. As explained in The Two-Parent Privilege (Melissa S. Kearney) and Get Married (Brad Wilcox), marriage makes a big difference. Marriage improves the economic and other markers of human flourishing in a way that other arrangements do not.
Again, that seems like an uncontroversial proposition. During the wedding I attended, there was a reading from the Book of Genesis: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24). That passage describes what seems like the ideal situation. The love discussed in Genesis is a love that establishes a new and enduring family. A man leaves his birth family and joins with his wife to establish something new. And that something, that marriage, is a blessing to themselves, their children, and the broader society. For Wilcox, who is focused on the broader social implications of marriage, this description in Genesis is the building block of something more: “the institution of marriage plays a central role in organizing family life, promoting human flourishing, and maintaining social order.” (xix)
Kearney describes marriage with all the emotion an economist can muster. First comes love, then comes “a long-term contract between two individuals to pool their resources and share household responsibilities, including (when it applies) raising children.” (43) This is not the stuff of Shakespearian sonnets. But whether it is a sociologist or economist analyzing the data, the data says that marriage is good.
So why aren’t more people getting married? “The share of American adults who are married is at a historic low,” Kearney says. Since 1980, there is “a 24% decrease among men and a 17% decrease among women.” (72) People are getting married later, if at all. “Collapsing rates of marriage and parenthood drop as we see sures in antisocial political extremism, a loneliness crisis, addiction to technology, and economic inequality.” (Wilcox, 14) That trend toward “flying solo,” as Wilcox calls it, is having negative consequences on adults and kids alike, but particularly among men.
Both authors mention the positive impact marriage has on men. Wilcox calls it a “marriage premium,” “where married men earn about 10 to 20 percent more than their peers with roughly similar backgrounds.” (39) The underlying theory, recognized by both authors, is that men work harder when they are married. Men can go from video game-playing 20-somethings to responsible providers and caretakers once they get married, and even more once they have children. The presence of a father at home also has significant benefits on children at all stages of development.
That is not to say that people in non-marital relationships, like single mothers, are bad. Both books focus just on large data sets, so the conclusions they draw can seem harsh (or “coldhearted,” as Kearney frequently labels her conclusions) and lacking nuance. But the data says what it says. We should not apologize for conclusions that are clearly supported by the data. When Kearney says that children of one-parent families are more likely to have fewer resources, less education, and the like, it is not a critique of single mothers. Single mothers are often some of the most heroic people in the country. But I would bet that they would admit that their situation is not ideal: “mothers who are raising their child or children without a second parent figure in the home face a multitude of hardships, from the readily observed (having to support the family financially while also being the primary caregiver) to the less visible (having nobody to pick up the slack when you're feeling tired or sick or to discuss the day’s events with at night after the kids go to bed).” (Kearney, 23)
The data says that “four groups stand out for being masters of marriage—those fortunate Americans who are especially likely to get married, steer clear of divorce court, and forge reasonably happy unions.” (Wilcox, 27). Those groups are: (1) the Faithful—people who are actively practicing a religion (several times a month or more); (2) Conservatives—those who uphold traditional family values, “hard work and personal responsibility,” “sexual fidelity in marriage, the idea that men and women are inherently different, and the value of religion”; (3) Strivers—people who are focused on achievement through education and financial success, and willing to delay gratification in favor of long-term goals; and (4) Asian Americans—who are often strivers who uphold traditional family values. Indeed, the combination of several of these traits indicates an even greater likelihood that a marriage will endure.
These are generalizations, but they are based on the data. Wilcox is not making a value judgment, and he does not apologize for what the data says. Kearney, on the other hand, repeatedly apologizes for what the data shows. She offers so many caveats and conditions—in an effort to show she is not denigrating single mothers around the country—that it becomes tiresome. I think it’s fine to admit the “book’s central thesis—that marriage is in decline, and it’s a driver of American inequality.” (27)
So rather than lament the conclusions the data requires, like so many critics, it is far better to find solutions to these problems. And here, both authors agree about some policy choices that could bolster marriage as an institution and help alleviate some of the gaps between married and non-married individuals (and the negative effects on their children).
Fund community colleges and vocational programs. Kearney suggests that investing in alternative training programs, apprenticeship programs, and skilled trades would boost marriage rates because many men who are not currently in the workforce would have gained skills that are in demand in the market. (176). Wilcox likewise says that traditional college education is not the answer, and we should invest “more on a vocational education system that gives more young women and especially young men a pathway into a good job—and a shot at the successful family life that its income can enable.” (211)
Expand the Child Tax Credit. Supporting families through tax credits reinforces the values of work and marriage, and allows parents to provide for families better. Both authors support this.
Eliminate marriage penalties. Wilcox talks about government programs that penalize couples when they get married, either because of income-based tests or other means that make it less enticing to get married if one is receiving government benefits.
Criminal justice reform. Kearney suggests that reforming at least some aspects of the criminal justice system would have a positive effect on rehabilitating men and returning them to their families.
Expand school choice. Because being raised by a single parent is often correlated to a lower level of education, Wilcox suggests providing more opportunities for school choice to families as a way to close the education gap.
You may disagree with these potential actions. Or you may have different ideas. But if the fundamental building block of society is not working as it should, it seems reasonable that we should do something to make marriage more attractive. “A failure to acknowledge and address these facts is the first step in regrettable inaction.” (Kearney, 184)
Remember to turn every page. Enjoy your weekend. Please let me know whether you need anything.
Best,
Aaron